Myeloma anger

People advised me to expect anger and an emotional roller coaster as I came to grips with having cancer (myeloma) and having to deal with some treatment side effects especially the steroid Dexamethasone.
The anger was there. Why me, what have I done wrong, I don’t have time for this, my dreams are shattered, I have so much to achieve, and my plans for the future have been destroyed.
Dexamethasone mood swings up and down, go away I don’t need you, come back I do need you, I feel great, I feel rotten, where is my head space today? Just put a bucket over my head and leave me alone. What a roller coaster ride.
I was determined not to let any anger or frustration explode into a verbal tirade or abuse of others. A philosophy of my life is zero tolerance of abuse in any form. This I achieve by neither giving or receiving abuse. Treat others as I want them to treat me. That was going to be challenged. How could I overcome it?
There had to be a safety valve, several safety valves. One of mine was watching sport on TV. A favourite pastime that was taken to a higher level of participation. I let loose on any sport any time. When my teams were playing my commentary and comments got louder and louder. A good release for me.
Talking to others by phone or in person helped. I found some good friends who sat beside me and listened, let me ramble on as I went through the anger process.
Myra played a big role there, listening then giving me her thoughts. There has always been trust and honesty between us. That proved invaluable. Nothing was left out.
Writing has always flowed freely for me. Putting my feelings on paper then throwing it away was easy. A good release however I wish I had kept them.
The urge for anger release by physical action like hitting out was not there, I am not that type of person. With my bones being damaged that could have been dangerous.
As my condition improved I found walking became a good release. Lots of thoughts went through my mind. I enjoyed stretching my physical boundaries especially on the hills leaving me a little empty.
I knew the anger would come to an end; it was a process I had to go through.
It was part of my healing.